Assalamualaikum and hi everyone.

Ughhhhh, it’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog—over three years, in fact. The last time I wrote here was in April 2020, when the world was in the midst of pandemic, and life felt uncertain for everyone. And now…. It’s already 2025? What the actual fudge?

 So much has happened since then and I realize that not sharing these changes feels like leaving a part of my journey untold. After all, life often throws unexpected challenges our way, and we grow in ways we never expected.

In early 2021, I made the big decision to move to Kuala Lumpur to pursue my career in fashion. I was excited to start fresh and dive into the industry. And guess what? I got a job as an Assistant Designer at Maglifestyle. It was an amazing opportunity, and I learned a lot about the design process and working with a creative team.

However, after a short time, I realized that the role wasn’t the right fit for me. I started to feel overwhelmed, though I’m not entirely sure why. So I decided to move on and explore another side of the fashion world, which is; retailing.

Although I had started in design, I found my passion in retail. Working in retail allowed me to understand fashion from different angle. How products reach customers, how trends are marketed, and how to create a great shopping experience. It was a shift, but it’s been a fulfilling path that has helped me grow in ways I didn’t expect. 

I started working as Sales Associate cum Cashier at Zara and after a year in this role, I was promoted to Visual Merchandiser. It was a rewarding step forward and a role that truly sparked my creativity. As a Visual Merchandiser, I was able to use my eye for design in a new way, curating store displays, arranging products to highlight key trends, and ensuring that the store’s layout felt welcoming and aligned with the brand’s identity. It was the perfect blend of creativity in ways I hadn’t imagined before. Every step has been part of a larger story, one that continues to evolve as I grow in the fashion industry.

Looking back, I’m grateful for the experience in design, but I’m even more excited about where I am now in retail. The journey has taught me that sometimes you don’t need to follow a straight line to get where you’re meant to be.

While my career in fashion was blossoming, my personal life wasn’t always as steady. I was in relationship that lasted for three years… An experience that taught me so much, both about myself and about love. 

It was a time of deep connection and growth, but as much as we tried to make things work, it eventually became clear that we were heading in different directions. We grew apart in ways we couldn’t ignore, and despite the good moments we shared, I knew it was time to let go.

Ending the relationship wasn’t that easy. There were moments of doubt, wondering if I was making the right choice, but in the end, it was the right decision for both of us. Sometimes, love teaches you the importance of timing and self-discovery. We both needed space to focus on our individual journeys and personal growth, and though it was painful at first, I believe it was necessary.

When I reminisce about it, I can see how much I learned from that relationship. It showed me the value of self-love and the importance of understanding what I truly needed in a partner. While it didn’t last forever it helped shape who I am today and that’s something I’ll always be grateful for.

So much has happened since the last time I updated this blog. In my next post, I think I’ll share more about my mental health journey, including my recent diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder.

In 2024, I learned that I react, but I don’t need to overreact. I discovered that I can listen to criticism with an open mind, not letting it affect me negatively, but instead using it as an opportunity for growth and self-improvement. I realized I can revisit my bad past, but only to learn from them, not to live on the pain they caused. Sometimes, people might misunderstand my thoughts or actions, but that doesn’t mean I should let them disrespect me and I am not defined by anyone else’s opinion of me. 

I can let go and give up, but that doesn’t mean I’m losing it—it means I’m choosing peace. It means walking away from situations that make me feel invisible and alone.

I may lost my way, lost someone I thought I’d never lose, or even come close to losing myself while trying to find my way back home. Maybe I’ve become attached to habits that I know aren’t good for me but struggle to break free. Maybe I don’t know where I’m headed next, or what the next step should be, which station I should stop. And there are countless questions in my mind, but I let some of which remain unanswered for now. 

But somehow, I’ve come to understand that it’s better to mess up than to never have made a mistake. Don’t you think? Because we are not defined by the result we wish we could done differently, or by the times we felt we took the wrong path. The pain that comes from our mistakes is what makes stronger and wiser.

After all, 2024 wasn’t my best year, but it was a year of immense growth. I learned so much and, despite everything, made it to the end. I’m genuinely proud of myself, especially for the battles I didn’t win. Even the victory wasn’t mine, but I showed up every single time. Sometimes, it’s not about winning. It’s about having the courage to stand stall, keep going, and prove to yourself that you’re stronger than you ever imagined. That, I believe, was the most beautiful part of this year.

From saying hello to saying goodbye. Losing people I loved and forming new connections with strangers. Through it all, I’ve learned to appreciate every moment. And most importantly, I didn’t lose myself. Instead, I discovered how to love myself more deeply.

Part of growing up is making mistakes. And sometimes, it’s okay when others point out those mistakes to you, it’s a chance to reflect, learn, and grow. The real growth happens when you take responsibility for your actions, accept your flaws, and use those lessons to become better version of yourself.

Happy New Year, everyone.

So, I hope you remember, when you look in the mirror, to remind yourself of who you are and, just importantly, who you are not.

To those who made me laugh, I’m grateful.

To those I’ve hurt, I’m sorry.

And to the one I’ve left behind, you won’t see me again :)