Assalamualaikum...

It's been a while, isn't it? And I didn't post anything on 2018. I don't know. Maybe 2018 wasn't a good year for me. Need to recall? Maybe not.... Ugh, I'm not just hesitating but I don't want to reminisce back those things that brutally change me into something I can't explain.

2018 was totally savage... It's just goddamn hard.

Did I find love?
Did I feel the happiness?
Did I find the peace of mind?

Adakah aku jumpa apa yang aku cari atau aku masih mencari?
Adakah aku masih dalam gelungan kebingungan atau kurang siuman?

The answer, still I don't know.

2018, it's change me.

Not into something good.
But something bad.
Something I didn't expect that I could make it, but I did it anyway.

I change for someone who didn't appreciate who I am.
I change for the people who wanted me to be something else that's not truly me.
I change for the love that I knew it was temporary.
I change for the pain that I did and for the mistakes that I made.

Through that year, the year of 2018.
I changed a lot.
And I learned a lot.

I thought to myself, "you are never just good or just bad"
I wake up every morning, look in the mirror at my face and see the cracks and scars and blemishes, and cringe.
Maybe I should find myself.
The right track.

Maybe on 2019 or maybe later?

Sebab kita sendiri tahu kita sembunyi diri kita sendiri sebab kita tak nak kongsi siapa kita, mahu kita, diri kita, dan siapa kita sebenarnya?
Kerna dalam banyak hal-hal tersembunyi itu boleh buat orang lari dan benci atau mungkin pergi dan tak muncul lagi.

Kadang-kadang kita berubah bukan sebab kita nak.
Tapi sebab orang.
Bodoh jugak kan?

Tapi kan...
It's happening for a reason.
Not just one but a million.

Entahlah.
Untuk tengah malam ini.
Aku luah secara random.

Tiada bab satu atau bab dua.
Semuanya bersahaja, hentam sajalah.

Dan tak terlalu lambat aku rasa untuk ucap "Happy New Year"
But for me, I want to start my new year on February sebab January kira first month trials gitu.
Macam Netflix lah.
Boleh kan?
Itu pun ayat orang kat Twitter aku tiru.
LOL!